Sunday, April 24, 2011

Unwelcomed guest!!

     "Little gesture of smile ,one cup of coffee and  little words of love " -this is the formula  for a person to' feel at home ' at a host's place right?Well ,my recent experience with a relative of mine deceived me of my thoughts and belief.She was a cousin of mine who was pretty close during childhood days and had moved to the US long back and now coincidentally she was just half an hour drive away from our place.So excitedly ,I planned a visit to her place by calling her up ,on a particular day and she seemed pleased to invite me home .The initial entry into the house such that,was  that we could predict the next sequence.We stood by the door just waiting for a pleasing gesture form her side or a word to have a seat ;but it seemed like we were some unwelcomed guests or some salesmen who receive a displeasing /frowning expression.We had to make ourselves comfortable ,so we decided to have our seat even though we weren't offered a seat.Then as we were about to sit,I heard her saying "have your seat"..I was glad that at least after  5 min ,she remembered to offer a seat.
      Then ,I lead the conversation and chatted with her , as she was a silent gal who hardly could answer a few questions what we asked.After a while of conversation involving questions like "how do you spend your time here"?;"which school does your son go?" "where does your husband work?"bla bla... ,I was tired leading the one man army and going on and on like a chatter box .It was as if I was trying to make the host comfortable with my conversation!,I started wondering what to do next? My poor reserved introvert  hubby  too joined me in my chit chat wondering about  the mere peculiar situation.The host kept continuing her vegetable chopping job as she was talking to us and we kept gazing and were perplexed.Now since we had planned for a short duration stay there  we were lucky!She just seemd to unwillingly question us if she needed to prepare lunch for us and we instantly rejected  saying that we would be back home for lunch.That's it; that was the end of it and we just fled away with a hope to never return back there.
     Certain traditions ,etiquittes  or mannerisms are always good to be continued nevertheless were you stay or whatever is the situation.A pleasent demeanor ,atleast an offer for  a cup of water for a person who comes home;isn't that decent enough expectation? What do you guys feel?Have you ever had such an experience??!
  

18 comments:

Mangala said...

No matter how educated a person is, how well-dressed, or how rich, lack of basic etiquettes can make him/her a big LOSER!

Juxtaposition said...

That's really strange behavior. I can imagine what you must felt. If not "Adithi Devo Bhava" attitude, which most Indians are blessed with, at least some common courtesy. Shocking. Arrogance, I guess.

dr.antony said...

A change of place doesn't mean change of attitudes.This must have been her nature.Or,she must be worried the renewal of relationship as an obligation.
Better keep away from this kind.

Stranger said...

That was some situation... I will never visit such a person whether invited or not another time.

May be that is her nature not just change of place...

rama said...

Tha twas really sad. I feel it is better to stay away from her,as she is not a good influence.

raji said...

@Mangala true..

@juxta ..even I felt it to be arrogance ,she could have atleast learnt the basic mannerisms.

@Dr Antony as you said ,it seems to be the person's nature,she is really very dumb types ,but atleast I felt she could have learnt the basic ways to greet a guest.

@stranger and Rama ..true I have had enough and I would never ever visit her again.

sm said...

smile
love with a cup of tea or coffee does the trick.

A said...

@Raji,

It depends on how often you meet your friends/how close you are. We have some friends here and we/they stay back for dinner/lunch a lot of time and then we work together while talking. However we maintain courtesy.

If we meet occasionally or someone invites us...then it is a different story. If your cousin invited you and behaved like this...she has issues. Something is not right. She does not want you there...question is WHY....she was close to you in childhood....may be she has become arrogant or may be she lacks basic skills OR MAY BE SHE HAS SOME ISSUES THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW....

Narayan said...

Yes A I understand that ..as you said there may be something wrong going on..

NRIGirl said...

Poor you Raji!

I have had similar experiences where some of our "friends" keep "inviting" us and I say, "Sure, we would love to come over. Just tell us when" and they go silent for another year or so until we meet them elsewhere in some get-together.

Immediately they feel obliged to extend their "invitation" and I respond the same way and they go in hiding once again.

Then there are friends, who are more than family, whom we can visit any day and time and are treated like royal.

It takes both the kind I guess so that we will appreciate the few rare true friends we do have.

You know what is the best way to treat her? Invite her over to your place and treat them the best you can... It will sure make her cringe...

raji said...

Hi NRI ..what you said is 100%true.I think the best way to make her realise is by inviting her to my home:))

Rachna said...

That is so shocking. I would have been taken aback. Really, what can one say. Stay away from her. It is her loss.

Balachandran V said...

Do not be hasty in passing a judgement. Instead of keeping away from her, I suggest you call her up, thank her and invite her to your place. Like somebody said, she might have had some problems. So ensure that she is an unfriendly person before jumping into any conclusions. Human minds are so complex. What do we know about it?

raji said...

@Bala sir good suggestion;anyways I am not a person who can hate a person for anything.So may be as u said I ca wait n see how she behaves when she drops down to my home.

chitra said...

That would have been a bad experience for you Raji, I hate to visit people who behave like this. I have also experienced this.

anupama said...

hey Raji... i totally agree with what Balachandran V says.... you need to call her up..and invite her home.

A said...

@Raji,

How come you did not reply to my comment? No more comments on your posts now....(:

Mak said...

Atithi devo bhava is what we Indians learn. We are know for this culture. It's very strange to read about your cousin. Well, feel sorry for you & your husband Raji.